2013: The Year of Intention

I am motivated, and touched, by the new year resolutions I see flooding Facebook today, the last day of 2012.  As I sit in our home library, watching it snow out our floor-to-ceiling window with puppies playing at my feet, I think back on my year and look forward to the next.

Twelve years ago, I vowed to live life with no regrets. UM...ahem.  I haven't done much in the way of "Resolutions" since then.  As a matter of fact, I find that I am drifting through most days.  A co-worker suggested we all make a bucket list for our work fun-time activity, and I realized that maybe the reason I haven't accomplished much is because I haven't goaled myself with much.  Degree?  Check.  Master's Degree(s)?  Check, check.  Perhaps it is because these things happened over the course of life and without specific intention that I feel a bit aimless.

So, I started my bucket list.  Nothing on it is earth shattering; the things on it are things I have been thinking about for years, but never committed to paper.  Yet somehow, the act of writing them down and seeing them in ink seems to make them real.  Maybe it is like the love of a boy making the Velveteen Rabbit real; goals need ink to give them life.

I am not going to share a bunch of goals and resolutions here, because (a), you probably don't want to hear them all, and (b), that's not the point.  What I am going to do is boil all this into a very simple phrase for my new year:  I am going to live with intention.

There is a great book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called The Power of Intention.  I read it years ago and just couldn't absorb everything I needed to absorb.  I am going to read it again.  There is a passage on page 230 that seems to crystallize everything I am thinking:

"If you bring forth what is inside you,

what you bring forth will save you.

If you don't bring forth what is inside you,

what you don't bring forth will destroy you."

No more floating and drifting.  I am going to actively participate in my life, and be fully alive.  I owe that to my family, my friends, and most of all - to myself.

Join me.  The Yellow Brick Road is full of obstacles and scary characters, but they all teach us something and cement our resolve, when we look at them for meaning.  The Yellow Brick Road is also full of beauty, love and joy.  I look forward to our awareness.

Once upon a time, an idealistic young lady thought that changing the world involved perfection.  So she worked tirelessly to make sure everything was just so, with all i's dotted and all t's crossed.  If it wasn't good enough, she did it again.  If it still wasn't good enough, she practiced and researched and did it over.

Now she knows it is called perfectionism at best, OCD and AR at worst.  And she is tired.

Let's add this up, shall we?  Um...working full time in a demanding educational position, finishing a (second) master's degree, working on syllabi to cross the boundaries between liberal arts and business, preparing an application packet for a doctoral program, working a business from home, researching and facilitating healing for a child diagnosed with ADHD/ODD/anxiety/depression, holding down the fort which occasionally involves home-cooked meals and housework, taking care of two high energy lovey boxers, and trying to be a friend, mother and wife.

Yes, I am referring to myself, and it's no wonder 4 different Starbucks know me by name and beverage.

I read to escape.  I always have.  Lately I read and keep reading and then cross reference that and read some more.  Which is why I haven't blogged in over two years...I didn't have enough research on anything I wanted to say.  Well, enough with the analysis paralysis.

Just do it.  NOW.  If you like to read, read.  If you want to watch a movie for a little entertainment and escapism, watch.  Sing along with the radio.  Sing along with the TV while viewing Glee or American Idol or whatever makes you happy.  Most of us run like a top, spinning and spinning; stopping to pick up the juggling balls we dropped and set them in motion again; dizzy as a dervish with never a moment's rest.  We need escape and entertainment just to stay sane.  I finally picked up a fictional tale of the life of Anne Bolelyn that has been on my library shelf for at least a year.  This caused me to go back and re-watch The Tudors (Showtime) and enjoy that version of history.  Is any of that "useful?"  Yes, because it keeps me present and healthy.

Read.  Watch.  Do.  Just live your life. :)