Adventures in Smoking

Every time I fire up the smoker, it involves an adventure.  It generally involves my impatience in some form or fashion.  I KNOW smoking is a slow art.  I KNOW I have to let the smoke box come up to temp for at least an hour.  I KNOW that it will get there...it always does.

And Yet.  Enter Impatience.

This is my morning:
7:36 open eyes.  Freak out - there is light coming in the window!  What time is it??!!!
7:45 frantically start the process of warming up the smoke box and grill.
7:55 Wish desperately for coffee.  Open Dr. Pepper as substitute.
8:00 Ask Scott to carry brisket up from downstairs fridge.
8:05  Discover that the only way the charcoal is going to catch in spite of the rain is if I stand and hold the grill cover so the rain misses the coals.  Cough and curse.
8:15 Fling a small piece of wood in smoke box to smell something other than charcoal.  Cough more.
8:20 Are the coals cooking?  Did the rain put them out?  Put more around edges, just in case.
8:30 Check barrel temp.  Despair that it is only 200 degrees.  Decide to build small charcoal fire in barrel to warm it up.  Throw big hunk of wood in smoker.  Breathe deep.  Cough.
8:45  Start panicking that barrel temp is only 210.  Decide to build small charcoal fire on OTHER side of barrel.
8:50  Pour marinade into pan and score fat on briskets. Rub a little extra salt into fat.
9:00  Put meat on in a show of positive grill support.
9:10  Freak out more that barrel is still only 215.  Come up with crazy alternative plan to prep-rush briskets one at a time in the oven.  Turn on Oven.  Make an amazing creation of foil and place one brisket inside, and put it inside a ginormous pan.  Place in oven.
9:20  Throw another chuck of wood and a whole bunch of charcoal into firebox. Spritz with lighter fluid in desperation.
9:30 Notice the barrel temp is now at 275.  Gloat.
9:32 Eat MacDonald's breakfast lovingly provided by Scott and inhale MacDonald's coffee.  Grimace, and not in a cute purple monsterish way.
9:37 Check barrel temp.  It is now 300.
9:41 Check barrel temp.  It is now 350. And climbing.
9:42 Mentally run in circles, wringing hands.
9:43 Decide that maybe building fire in barrel was a bad idea.
9:44 Take brisket off grill.  Use metal spatula to scoop burning coals from barrel to firebox. Burn hands in way too many places to describe.
9:48 Put brisket back in barrel. Put lid down and note that it is steady at 275 with the lid up.
9:52 Decide that 510 is way too hot and open grill lid.  Check that temp is still steady at 275.  Break first rule of brisket cooking and turn them fat side down so meat doesn't burn.

Are you laughing hysterically yet?  Things went on in this vein, with me opening and closing the grill lid.  After about an hour, I discovered that I could wedge a hunk of wood in the lid so it was partially open and partially closed, and keep it at around 300 degrees.  After that discovery, I flipped the brisket back over, fat side up.  Meanwhile, I have this other brisket blithely cooking away in the oven, oblivious to what is happening to his brothers.  I eventually swapped him out with the bigger of his brothers.

They are still smoking away out there, maintaining the nice 280-300 that I prefer.  I, however, am DRINKING and wishing once again for patience. :)